Scooter Chronicles

The last few weeks have been, well challenging would be a good way to put it. And it has led me to want to take a break from a few things. Blogging is one of them.

I started to get a cold over three weeks ago. I have a tendency to get colds when I get stressed. Given the nature of things lately, I haven’t had much time to relieve this stress. Mostly because the issues stressing me are a long way from being over. Thanks to the economy for this. So without much time to actually rest, my cold kept coming back. More like would lay dormant for a couple of days, then attack again. This past Friday was the worst of it. Fortunately Marcia was feeling well enough to watch Nigel for larger amounts of time, and along with his naps, I took long naps during the weekend. Also spent some time reading and just laying around. It helped the cold greatly. (Thank you Marcia!)

But the stress of life is still there. We are dealing with a lot of things. As I mentioned here about a month ago, we found a great townhouse to rent. It was huge! It was well maintained and had various sections redone. It also had a finished basement. It was perfect. The day after putting a deposit on it, I was told my hours had been cut. My employer has had a policy for decades (yes, decades) that employees work a 45 hour week. And if there was more then enough work, the employees were encouraged to work more overtime. They didn’t want employees coming in on Saturdays, unless it was vital for completion of a deadline or the employee was making up missed time from earlier in the week. Heck, there were even times when employees were sitting around doing nothing and were still allowed to accrue 45 hours a week. So when these hours were cut, something that can be and has been counted on for years as an employee of this company, it took away the ability to afford this townhouse. Marcia and I gave in and started looking for a cheaper place to rent. With a new baby on the way, it became very important. But then my employer started laying off more employees. I now don’t feel very secure with my job. I don’t know if I will still be employed in a few months. There is no new work coming in. I am surprised we have had anything to do lately. Though one of the things that has kept me busy is not a good thing, and another added stress (which I will get to soon). So because of this uncertainty, even though I keep looking at places to rent, I don’t want to take the dive. With our bills, and what little could be gotten through unemployment, we would not be able to afford to rent out own place. So why sign over a big deposit only to lose it because we have to break a lease if I lose my job. It just plain sucks!

What has me feeling even worse is that the things keeping me busy at work is a project that I worked on and continually has problems. I shouldn’t be blaming others, but I think a lot of mismanagement has played a role. But there have been some mistakes on my part that haven’t been good either. There is one really big one that reared it’s ugly head on Monday afternoon, while I napped at home (I took the day off to further recover). Tuesday was just an awful, awful day. I don’t think I would be let go because of such a mistake, but it certainly makes it easier to let someone go in this kind of economic downturn. I have never felt so horrible about my performance at my job then I did yesterday. Though on the good side, even though I screwed up some calculations, two other engineers recalculated things and found out that in some instances things still should have worked without issue. Still does not absolve me of my mistakes. Just shows that my mistakes has been compounded by unknown factors that the guys in the shop are scrambling to alleviate.

On top of all this, we owe a lot in taxes this year. It will gobble up money that we had set aside for a deposit for a place to live. We also owe money to the clinic in Michigan that Marcia went to for her migraines. This was a very unpleasant surprise, since they never told us that we may actually owe them more money. Their exact words were that we needed to pay for everything up front and then they would submit the rest to our insurance. They never said that there were some charges that we weren’t paying up front, and may be subject to owing them more.

Then there is Nigel. He has been a real handful at times lately. Overturning bowls of food purposely, looking at Marcia and/or I to see our reaction. Constantly whining that he wants something, and not understanding that he has to ask nicely. Doing things we ask him not to do, repeatedly. Ah, the joys of parenting a three year old boy. We know that what he is going through is pretty normal. But with all above happening, as I said, the last few weeks have been a challenge on my resolve.

When I got home on Tuesday though, I was reminded of how wonderful life can be. I laid down to read in our bedroom, and less then an hour into Nigel’s nap, he woke up. I brought him into the room with me since he still looked tired, but wanted out of his crib. He fell back asleep while snuggled up next to me as I continued reading. Eventually I got a bit tired and napped for about 15 minutes with him. He then woke up all smiles, and when Marcia headed out to a doctor’s appointment, we played with his trains until it was time to go to bed. It’s the small joys in life that get you through.

So the point is, my brain is hurting. I have a book review that I want to write, and a few of my Favorite Album entries to add, as well as just other subjects that might interest me in sounding off about (like the NHL trade deadline yesterday afternoon). But the last couple of days I just haven’t felt up to it. I’m in a funk with blogging, and want to take some time off. Probably just a week. I may even post every other day or so. I don’t know. But all these things have occupied my mind more and I just want to focus on a few good things right now. Not that blogging is bad. But I pressure myself to blog. I try to post five to six entries a week. I think it’s a good thing. It keeps the mind moving. However, I need a break.