Bill Simmons, also known as “The Sports Guy”, writes a column for ESPN’s web site. THIS week’s he is asked about all the champagne that baseball players go through in celebrating each series in the playoffs. (I MENTIONED this earlier.) The following is the question and answer from his column.
Q: Please for the LOVE OF GOD, explain why every time you win something in baseball you get a champagne celebration?!?!
– JD, Indy
SG: Kept getting this question for two weeks, so let’s settle it here: I’m not against these celebrations since it’s always fun to watch people pour liquor on each other; it’s always fun to watch the toupees and hair extensions of media members get doused with champagne; it’s always fun to watch drunk people get interviewed on live TV; it’s always fun to see born-agains and recovering alcoholics getting involved; and really, there’s no downside at all. But since it happens four times a year for the World Series champs because of the expanded playoffs, we need to tinker with the actual liquor in the celebrations: Clinch your division and you’re only allowed to celebrate with good canned beer; wild-card clinchers can only be cheaper canned beer, something like Natty Light or Busch. First-round clinchers earn celebrations with those big 40-ounce bottles of Bud or whatever. Pennant clinchers earn celebrations with cheap champagne. And for the World Series, you get good champagne. So there would be a liquor hierarchy that gets better as the clinches get more important. I think this could work.
Well, I thought it was entertaining.
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